I was supposed to clean house all day.
Had to drive E to school. Returned home with B. Played 15 minutes worth of the promised game o’ Chutes and Ladders – quickly got him dressed for the bus. Was running out the door with the backpack and dog on a leash when I received a text from one of E’s friends who was very late – and needed a ride to school. I can never resist.
Got B on the bus and hopped in the car. As I drove – I thought about how I am not taking care of myself. How I tell clients to care for themselves, and I am consciously NOT doing that – and that maybe, just maybe, that’s f’d up. Got all confused, and started thinking of a friend I was walking with last Fall – before busy-ness and my shoulder injury brought everything to a screeching halt. How I needed to contact her. I needed to walk. I needed to see her – and laugh with her. Yes. And for today – I decided I would take some pictures – because that is what I told myself I would do today. I’d take some lovely pics – because it’s one of the things I LOVE to do. It only takes one glance at my phone gallery to see the passion I have for photography. One day I will have a fancy schmancy camera. For now – I use a phone. 🙂 And today – for me – I would make my gallery just that much fuller.
So – anyway – I am driving. I am thinking all of these things. Reminding myself that there is no true balance in mothering but that I should at least jump on my side of the scale – that that would be enough – just keep myself in mind – as I look for work and do my Momming and my writing and my coaching… My mind is whirling with “keep with the acceptance of what IS. Keep doing your work. Keep the faith. It’s working out for the best for all concerned.” I come around a bend – and Bam!
There is this. Yeah.
Now, I have seen this before – many times – but I’d almost swear it used to say something different. I keep driving – gotta get the girl to school – but I tell myself I am coming back for a picture after I drop her off. I drop her off – and decide to drop in B’s elementary and pay for his student ID. This is important because of a timing synchronicity that is coming up. Stick with me.
Now I am back on the road. I get to the sign. I pull over. I get out. I’m walkin’ all around – trying to get an angle. It’s a long-arse sign, right? Cars come by, and I feel a little embarrassed taking a picture of the sign. Not sure why I feel embarrassed – I just do. So – you know – I’m acting like I’m looking for something – kicking the dirt around – waiting for them to drive past.
Then – I realize – Hey – there’s panorama on the camera. Yeah! I’m gonna Pan-O-Rama this puppy. But, you know – when you panorama – it takes time. And – each time I’d get it going – here’d come another car around the bend. I was starting to get a little perturbed. Then I was perturbed at myself for being perturbed. Then – just about the time I get myself calmed down – chilled out – camera ready – here comes a bicyclist around the bend. It’s on an incline. The bike is moving SO SLOW – to me, of course. I’m not the one peddling up the hill right? But on the INSIDE – I’m like. REALLY? WTF! What does it take to get a pic of this sign? Then I look at the sign again. I say to myself, “Accept, as it is.” I walk around my car – to the passenger side. I open the door – grab my travel mug of coffee. I take a sip – then lean my head against the door jam. I can see the sign and the bicyclist through the drivers window on the other side of the car. I take a deep breath and wait. I’m breathing deep. I am still. The cyclist is working hard. I see a profile – and then she glances at me – only with her eyes.
It’s the woman I was thinking I needed to walk with as I approached the sign the FIRST time this morning. Yep.
That’s what I’ve got.